The reasons why men lied

Here are the reasons why men lie:

1.He’s trying to prevent you knowing an important truth

Let’s get it out there right away - sometimes a man is trying to deceive you big time. Numero uno, he’s trying to hide actual infidelity. You’re right to take this very seriously. How would it be to be with a man who, say, steals from you? Same diff.

2. He’s trying to avoid pain.

No-one likes pain. People will use every trick in the book to avoid it - it’s just that a man’s playbook is very thin. There are many male strengths, but each man has his own buttons - get close to pressing one and he jumps. “Why didn’t you tell me that you couldn’t get tickets?” “It hurts me if you’re unhappy.” (Note, several of a man’s buttons have to do with his need to be admired as a man see #7).

3. He’s trying to avoid conflict.

A subcategory of #3. This isn’t always a bad thing; too much fighting is bad for a relationship. But too much of this avoidance is a danger sign. Not because it means he’s betraying you, but because you’ll begin to see him as afraid of standing up to you. There’s nothing sexy about wimpishness.

4. He doesn’t want to burden/worry you.

Here’s a classic example: you’re pregnant and want to talk about your new future. For his part he has several concerns too - how will your relationship change, will he be a good father and provider, and so on. But you hear nothing of this. Instead he lies about what’s on his mind. Why? Well, he’s very conscious of the physical and emotional demands on you of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood - so he chooses not to bother you. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, I’m just saying that he’s being gallant.

5. He’s trying to protect you.

A subcategory of #4.

6. He wants to surprise you.

He pretends to have forgotten your birthday, then Surprise! OK, this probably isn’t a biggie, but I mention it just to drum home the fact that not all lies are equal.

7. He doesn’t want to lose face as a man.

Oof, now this is a big one. A man will do just about anything - seriously, anything - not to feel emasculated, including lie. Women will be surprised just how precious men are about this. My advice? Don’t try to fight him on this terrain; he’ll only feel that you’re humiliating him for not being a man. Imagine what it would be like if you were looked upon and treated as a man - worse, as a non-woman. Just as you need to be cherished as a woman, so he needs to be admired as a man. Deal with it.

8. He’s trying hide a bigger lie.

“Sorry, honey, I have to go away for work next weekend”. In reality he wants time away from you and so volunteered for the trip. This is pretty damn cunning: for a man, that is. Freud called it, “confessing to the lesser crime”.

Then the reasons not to lie (to a woman)

1. Don’t lie because you’ll get caught.

That’s pretty obvious. Memory is a finicky thing, and lying is never worth it — as you’ll read later on. But even knowing this obvious fact isn’t enough to prevent most of us from pushing the truth a little. What is amazing is that lying actually breaks some of my more esoteric rules I’ve mentioned before.

2. Don’t lie because you’re giving away too much information.

That is a rule, if you recall — shut up. Talking too much and providing too much information about yourself too quickly is a sure way to drop her desire for you into the freezing temperatures. Whether you’re telling her the truth about your job or pretending you’re bigger than you are, it doesn’t matter — you’re talking too much. Yap, yap, yap sends you home without the phone number, maybe even without the name. Just meet the gal for the first time? Say hi, get her name, listen to her yap for 5 minutes. Get her number, move on! It isn’t that difficult, fellows.

3. Don’t lie because she’s not interested anyway.

What do most guys lie about? Their jobs, their cars, their income, their previous dating career, their hobbies, their goals, their living situations. She’s not interested. You might think she is interested because you yourself would be interested in those facts, but you’re a guy. You might hear some of your gal pals brag about how much money their boyfriends make or how nice of a car they drive, but that isn’t what she really is interested in — she’s just bragging to friends. You could live at home with your parents, work at Wal*Mart as a janitor, drive an 87 Buick with rust, and she’d still brag to her friends by saying “He is so focused on the future and having a family, he gives up so much now so he’ll have more to share later!” That’s right, guys, she doesn’t care what you have, so why bother lying about it?

4. Don’t lie because she isn’t worth it.

Lying to others can cause guilt in your heart and your mind. For those with religion or faith here, lying is considered a “sin” or an “evil” or whatever your particular religion calls it. For those without that faith, lying can make you feel bad — especially if your lies don’t attract her attention (and they generally won’t, unless she’s a golddigger). Whether or not you get her name and number, the lies you tell to get there will haunt you on some level. It isn’t worth the risk.

And my newest favorite reason not to lie is…

5. Don’t lie, she prefers average guys to the high-rollers.

I didn’t believe it at first, but for years I’ve know that average guys are happier than guys who have way more. The guy with the great looks, the Platinum Citibank Card, the BMW 7 series, the condo in Singapore? They’re not that happy. Sure, they have so much wonderful stuff, but few of them have wonderful gals. Don’t believe me? The BBC concurs in an article titled “Why women fall for ‘Mr Average’.” For a while, I couldn’t figure out why my average friends had better luck than my “blessed” friends, until it struck me — these average guys will be better fathers and husbands for their wives. Sure, the golddigger girl wants the guy with everything, but why would you want her? Have you seen the mess that is left behind when a friend of yours dated (or married) a high-drama wants-everything girl? You know already that Little Miss Average would be Best Amazing Wife moreso than Hot Tall Skinny Blonde would, so doesn’t it makes sense that Little Mister Average would be a great husband? Of course, you don’t make those connections by default — women do.